i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
