i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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