he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
