Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
