didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
