I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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