I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
