We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
