Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
