We're like a lot better than the average bears
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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