He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
