Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
