I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
