The best revenge is premature balding
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
