Sry I called you an 8
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
