Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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