you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
