He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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