You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize