Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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