bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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