I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
