i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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