Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
