i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
