bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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