you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
