Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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