Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
