I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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