A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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