how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
