Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
