I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
