My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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