My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
