..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
