Duck Duck Cougar?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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