Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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