So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
