the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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