can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
