brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
