dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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