Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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