I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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