You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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