I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
