I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
