Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.