We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.