After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.