I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend