why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
