In the future we'll all be gay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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