he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
