Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Randomize