When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
