Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
