I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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