how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
