So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
