Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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